Who am I, really?

After living in the states for so many years, I always consider myself Chinese, 100% pure Chinese. Even after been cultivated in American culture for these years, I am still fully aware of my identity, or I thought so at least.

However, my recent discovery shows me otherwise. What are the values of Chinese Year? What are the rituals in preparation for this big celebration? Do I know…or if I remember any?

This is my first Chinese New Year with non-family members. They are a group of people who care deeply, remember, and even follow the traditional Chinese rituals.

There were things that used to be vivid in my memory but now have gone blurry. If anyone asks me what Chinese New Year is about, can I still answer that question ? Unfortunately, I can’t. I might have to google for a good answer. If I were as pure Chinese as I thought I am, shouldn’t this be one of those simple questions that I was born to know?

While I am not catching up with the American culture, I am losing my original identity at the same time. This thought frightens me. Who am I, really?

One thing I know for sure is that I am too old to get red envelope. No money for me this year, or ever. Sometimes just wish that I am still a kid, a happy kid.